| Last Updated: Aug 20, 2008 - 1:11:30 PM |
Way, way back in time, super white teeth always were a dead give-away for fake, artificial choppers, caps and crowns. Today’s modern dental bleaching methods can make natural teeth whiter than snowballs on a snowman. However, denture wearers still own the advantage.
Recently a new patient came in for emergency denture consultation. He appeared in a great hurry, turning down the free sample of our "Mouthrinse of the Month," currently a lime-vanilla-coconut blend with a playful hint of horseradish.
When I provided a menu of available dental procedures, he waved it aside saying he’d already decided what to order; the single complete upper denture … a la carte.
When offered to see available tooth colors, he replied, “Yes. Please. My dull, dingy front teeth don’t light-up my face like Fourth of July fireworks anymore.”
Immediately I displayed our most popular tooth shade, called “Shazam, Shazam,” which practically glows in the dark. The patient slowly wrinkled his nose and asked for something brighter.
“But of course,” I replied, and then presented the Next Generation of denture teeth, so bright they’re nicknamed, “Bug Zappers.”
Based on a new photosensitive process, when the denture is placed in a special, overnight container, it is exposed to a powerfully bright light. Ultra white light is then absorbed by thousands of tiny luciferinic particles embedded inside each tooth.
The stored light is later emitted during the day, glowing so brightly it even shows through closed lips. “It could back-light your mustache nicely,” I advised, but the patient was skeptical.
“Bug Zappers? I don’t want bugs on my teeth,” he exclaimed.
“Unfortunately,” I explained, “at night such blinding light will attract moths and other flying insects, so you should avoid outdoor evening activities during warmer months. On the other hand, you’ll soon be attracting more lovely ladies than the Playboy Mansion.”
“Honest?” His eyes widened.
“Guaranteed,” I calmly assured. “It’s specifically covered under our ‘No questions asked, double your money back’ warranty.”
He then asked to tryout the new denture that coming weekend, at a huge party he was hosting.
No problem, I cheerfully agreed, and we began the project. First, I asked permission to peer in at his lower teeth for a moment.
Surprised, he balked; “Beg your pardon?”
“A quick look, merely to count how many lower back teeth there are. We might need to order extra molars. Please forgive me.”
Eyes rolling, the patient asked where I found the temerity to so impose upon his personal privacy. His lower teeth were his business, and he certainly did not want any nosy dentist snooping around.
Mortified and sincerely apologetic, I promised not to touch any of his teeth, only count them, but too late.
“Never mind, I won’t tolerate such abuse. Check please,” he demanded.
Moral of the story, whatever the color of teeth, they will still chew the same.
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by San Francisco News
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