HELLO AMERICA!—Living in Hollywood is comparable to trying to exist in a carnival. There are tons of rides, faces of painted disguise and people simply moving from one place or another where it seems safe to challenge its purpose for existing where they are.
When hearing about Robin Williams’ death, it simply reinforces one’s belief that those of us who are embedded hear searching for our dreams are emotionally trapped in a human cage, flanked by cameras and makeup artists who determine to effect what we believe and feel.
Whenever I got an opportunity to talk with Robin Williams there was a sense that he was never there all the way, he was on a train and it was moving fast enough so that he would not have to face certain realities of what was being asked of him, especially when being questioned about his life and feelings or who he was as an artist. It was as though he was wondering what the answers were to these questions as well.
Of course the alcohol and drugs that plagued Williams most of his life did nothing to make him serene or enjoy the accomplishments he had earned as a major star. The idea that so many people depended on him made him feel responsible and he felt that the train he was on should never end.
When speaking with the actor last year, he admitted that starring in a film or television show is a big responsibility. “You become the BIG DADDY to everybody on that show,” he offered. “And it’s a huge responsibility. You carry that kind of load at a studio and when you go home there’s another. There’s no time to think about yourself, and I take it very seriously.”
Having interviewed so many stars and celebrities for so many years, it is easy to detect their journey of non-discovery. They try and ignore the idea that they have become successful objects for other people’s needs and dreams. Beautiful women and men gravitate to them as an investment in their pursuit of the golden fleece. Once they are recognized as the legal partner of a star or celebrity then the picture transforms into a legal nightmare. And the hunt begins all over again. That has always been the backbone of this industry and it still is; highlighted by the HOLLYWOOD SIGN.
By Michael St. John
