Ask Deanna
My fiancee and I parted ways earlier this year . . . . . .
By Deanna M.
Jul 1, 2007 - 8:02:31 AM

Dear Deanna!
   My fiancée and I parted ways earlier this year.  After separation, we realized we want to be together and started the relationship again.  I stayed faithful and wasn't with anyone but he had several intimate flings. I'm having second thoughts because he refuses to have an HIV test with me. He claims that I know his habits since we were together so long.  I agree, but he was the one sleeping around.  Am I wrong to refuse this relationship because of the HIV testing?

   Anonymous                              Dallas, TX

Dear Anonymous:
   You have a responsibility to take care of yourself first.  There's not that much love in the world to make you forsake your sexual health.  You're entitled to refuse taking the relationship further if his sexual activity during the break-up bothers you.  If he takes something as serious as an HIV so light, you need to think how he would handle major issues in the marriage.  Set a deadline, stay firm in your request and if he doesn't comply, move on to other things until he agrees to testing.

Dear Deanna!
   I've been dating my existing girlfriend for less than 3 months.  I regret that I met her before the holidays because she feels we need to get into the spirit of gift giving.  I can go along with this but I don't plan to purchase a digital camera, an I-pod or any other expensive items she wants. I've tried to have this discussion and tell her that I have a spending limit but she thinks I'm kidding.  I'm sticking to my plans.  How do I avoid an argument when she opens her gifts?

Tyrrell                                     Cincinnati, OH
 
Dear Tyrrell:
   If you've communicated your intentions then you have nothing to worry about other than pouting.  Your new girlfriend is still in the "getting to know you" phase and should see from the beginning that you are firm, consistent and a man of your word.  If she's too materialistic or immature to see this, then you should start your New Year off as a single man.  If she chooses to
argue, then wish her a happy holiday and keep it moving.

Dear Deanna!
   I'm in a holiday battle with my husband's previous family.  His ex-wife feels he should be at her house at 7 in the morning to have breakfast and open gifts with the kids.  I don't think so.  My husband and I don't have children and I want him to spend the morning with me and then go to his kids.  He and I are arguing and this is causing a major strain in our household.  I'll never keep him from his kids but this is a bit much.  Am I wrong to make this an issue?

Ms. Lois M.                                                   Birmingham, AL

Dear Ms. Lois:
   You're right to take a stand on this issue.  No married man needs to be at nobody's house at this time of morning unless it's work related or an emergency.  You should make the suggestion for him to arrive at 10:00 and if he misses breakfast and torn wrapping paper, they'll get over it.  His
ex-wife should plan the children's gift exchange with their father at a
better time and offer brunch instead of breakfast.  This should be fair and settle the issue for everyone.