HOLLYWOOD—Sometimes darts are thrown on a board to manifest a movie and they completely miss the mark. I don’t think I’ve been so disappointed by a movie, that I already knew wouldn’t deliver much in terms of entertainment. Why? Those looking for a great scare in the thriller “Slender Man” will be gravely disappointed. Look there is a ton of history behind Slender Man or the notion of this figure going back to folklore.
I’ve even seen incarnations of this character on those really bad SyFy movies that tend keep viewers glued to the TV screen. This version which has hit the big screen is an absolute utter mess that is hard to even give points for having a somewhat feasible premise. Our plot revolves around four friends, who for the life of me I cannot understand; want to summon the Slender Man. It’s like messing with an Ouija board; there are some things you just don’t do and the stupidity of these characters cannot even be excused by the audience.
You’re watching this movie telling yourself, “Wait, did they just do that? Why in the world would they do that?” This happens a lot, and I mean a lot. Even one of our characters is told SPECIFICALLY not to open her eyes or she runs the risk of being haunted by the Slender Man. Can you guess what she does? Exactly! The utter frustration with our core characters hurts the movie even more.
With horror you want characters to be smart, but not too smart. This same sentiment echoes for the villain who should be frightening, not just ghostly. “Slender Man” does not deliver any of those things for the viewers. The audience is delivered characters that are one-note, with very little personality to draw the viewer in. We have a plot that is so bland, non-linear that even if you wanted to follow it, you refuse to because of the utter nonsense.
The movie attempts to take a stab at supernatural scares and it just bombs greatly, so much to the point that you walk out the theater wishing you hadn’t wasted your time or money on the movie. “Slender Man” is an utter disappointment, even the movie’s lead Joey King can’t save the movie, and dare I say she was more entertaining in the horror flick “Wish Upon?” Stay clear of the theater, wait for it to air on TV and don’t expect to have a sleepless night. Trust me you’ll sleep wonderfully knowing you didn’t waste your time on this movie.