You Asked For It: Lose 30 Pounds In 30 Days



Crashing calories is like crashing a can

HOLLYWOOD—Receiving a query about losing 30 pounds in 30 days from a holy man who is a fit water-drinking vegetarian laid bare the intense curiosity in rapid weight loss which one chapter of my book promises. In “Fat to Emaciated in 30 Days,” the knowledge is there in plain sight, though somewhat canaballistically  hidden within a series of questions and answers, because by definition, anybody wanting these speedy results, cannot really like themselves as they really are—which is the first step on the ladder to your better self. To get to the ‘new’ you, you must fully embrace and like the ‘old’ you.

This crash weight loss can leave you feeling more vigorous, true, but it can also leave sagging skin and sudden aging, and you’ll start receiving the disturbed looks of people who haven’t got the guts to ask “Are you sick?” Because of my own first-hand experiences, being born in the Chinese year of the Guinea Pig, I’m extremely cautious about rapid weight loss.

But give the people what they want, I say. But if I give you the keys to losing 30 pounds in 30 days, remember: DO IT GENTLY.

Day 1: Like yourself as you are. Meaning: you are generally at ease and happy in your skin, and don’t get derailed by your big brother’s ribs or your own toxic narrations. Let your ignition to weight loss be goodwill toward yourself, rather than being beside yourself with anxiety and the gnawing rush to be somebody else or somewhere else.

At its extreme, this conflict between where we are and where we want to be reaches a state of lust—the intensity of desire without the sex—and it spoils everything that stands in the way. All becomes a hassle, people, detours, even normally pleasant things. So many people dislike their jobs, less because there is something wrong with their jobs, but it puts them in a state of lusting for something else. For a day at the beach, watching our favorite TV or even sleeping.

Definitely do not lust for that thinner you before attaining it. And to fully like yourself means making peace with the world and circumstances around you. Make peace with the outward world, and liking yourself will follow suit.

There was a winsome beautiful lady in my hometown—you could tell she would have been a Gibson Girl in her prime, her silky hair, now white, and still regal carriage—she was over 90 and nothing could take her beauty away. Her advice for living life well: “Cherish your interruptions.” This is a veritable recipe for accepting what happens, the current version of yourself, included.

This is the main activity of Day 1—liking yourself. Keep reminding yourself and conduct little checks throughout the day and this will be an ongoing assessment every day, to note when you’re in the flow, or the wolf of dissatisfaction is loose. And when you get up in the morning, instead or groaning and sighing, first thing, after ascertaining what planet you’re on, proclaim, “I like my life.”

Learning to like yourself will be your home-and body-work every day of the 30 days. And, yes, there’s one other thing hereinafter, forget soda. You heard me! Forget soda. Look, you asked for it. The regular slow and easy Grady Diet has no problem with moderate intake of carbonated beverages, but YOU wanted to go whole hog and lose 30 pounds in 30 days. Soda has got to go.

Humorist Grady Miller is the author of “Lighten Up Now: The Grady Diet.” He can be reached at

By Grady Miller