UNITED STATES—It is a 6-letter no one ever wants to hear, ‘CANCER.’ Why? It claims so many lives on a daily basis. Rather it be colon cancer, breast cancer, liver cancer, pancreatic cancer, brain cancer, prostate cancer, the list goes on and on. I have had many family members diagnosed with cancer in my lifetime, some survived, others not so lucky. So, imagine hearing news that cancer might be impacting your life yet again, and you didn’t expect it.
The news totally struck me like a ton of bricks. The thought of the person not being around is too much for me to even fathom. I’m talking like someone who is my best friend, a person I trust more than anyone in the world, and that if something were to happen, I don’t know what will happen to me mentally, I truly could not put it into words. I’m refusing to will any bad juju into existence, I have to think positive because my brain is rattled with anxiety and not in the best way.
It is all I have been thinking about for the entire week, praying and willing that all will be ok. Discussions have already been diagnosed in the past if something were to happen where I would become the person responsible for raising children. Am I ready to be a parent? Yeah, it is something I’ve always wanted, but that is a harsh reality, and it changes one’s life, dramatically in a way that I could never imagine. My world could be upended, but not more so than the person who could be facing such a battle with cancer and the journey that comes with it.
My grandfather died from lung cancer, but he was a smoker. His death was sudden because it was quick and swift. I have had several aunts battle breast cancer and thankfully survive because it was caught early. I’ve had several uncles battle prostate cancer which is unfortunately prevalent on my dad’s side. My grandfather in his late 80s was diagnosed with prostate cancer and he survived.
I had my own scare and had to be tested for prostate cancer, where my PSA levels were low, thank God, however, the notion of having a biopsy and having to wait for the results are scary as hell. I have to will it into existence and to God that all will be alright with my loved one.
I just wish in some way we could find a cure for cancer, every single form of it because it devastates families and lives. So many people when it comes to learning someone has cancer thinks it’s a battle for the person with the diagnosis and it is. They are fighting for their lives, but then you see the daily struggle, the fear, the terror and the fight to survive when it feels impossible.
My stepmom got diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer, and within weeks was also diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Yeah, America, imagine battling two forms of cancer at once, losing your hair, going thru aggressive chemotherapy treatments and medicine that keeps the cancer at bay and her health in tack. That is beyond brutal. My aunt was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and she wasn’t so lucky. It ultimately took her life and seeing her whittle down during her final days was not easy to witness or see unfold. People who have never seen it, can’t understand it because it’s a difficult reality.
I was seriously worried about the pancreatic cancer because it tends to be so silent and by the time realized its already too late. We caught it in stage two and she is in remission.
However, my perspective on life has changed as a result. Seeing the chemotherapy treatments, the radiation, the surgery, the vomiting, the restlessness, the lack of energy and drive, it mentally takes you to a place that not many people understand. When someone you care about is facing a cancer battle, it impacts everyone in their orbit. You take on their stress, you take on their struggle, their battle, their journey and the hope for survival.
When people say F**K cancer I understand it more and more each day. It is a devastating diagnosis, and it robs people of their loved ones. I know this is crazy to say, but it’s important to have your annual checkups. See your primary care physician, make sure all is going well with your body. If you feel something is off with your body, you simply cannot ignore it. Address it and find a solution that best suits you. I’m literally on edge right now and I’m trying to live day-by-day because it seems that is how life functions.
Your trauma, your fear, your sorrow, your struggle is not the rest of the world and most don’t care. I care, it matters to me, so forgive me if I’m a bit off my game, I’m in a strange place where I am dealing with a lot of emotions and trying to make sense of it all. As I stated before, cancer sucks, but I refuse to allow it to steal my family without a fight for hell in a way that you can never imagine. It will not win; I will not allow it.
