HELLO AMERICA!—For two years, many of my followers of this column are well aware that I’ve been quite honest concerning my health and the woes experienced by the entertainment industry. Possibly, because I’ve been around since the 1950s, I am not fearful of the reaction of relating true experiences I’ve had or that I am currently having. Since spending time at Cedars Hospital in Beverly Hills dealing with a heart attack, my condition appeared to be worse than it was before the knife applied in saving my life. My breathing was still an effort, energy was a struggle, walking was an extreme effort and it was nearly impossible to enjoy a full night of rest. In other words, I had a difficult time believing I had much longer on this earth.

I called three of my closest friends of many years in the business; they disclosed experiencing some difficulty with urinating several times during the day at the studio and then 6 or 7 times when attempting to sleep.  As a result, it was discovered this was an early sign of possible prostate cancer. Nearly freaking out, I quickly connected with my primary physician who indicated that he wanted me to report to his office immediately for a complete checkup.

Before released from the hospital two months previously, I was given a bag of toiletries i.e., toothbrush and toothpaste, mouthwash and scrubbing soap, the normal package expected. Because I was scheduled for a complete examination, it was important I make sure my body is clean, just simple self-respect. So, I decided to use a bottle of the Surgery Soap given to me in the package to completely douse my body. When I indicate “completely” that’s exactly what I mean!

When doing so and putting on my trousers again, I suddenly experienced a bit of pain in the groin area; I thought it was just one of these discomforts during the shingles experience because even though the horrible scabbing and marks had disappeared, one is left with the very discomforting itching and at various moments of shooting pain. However, this was quite different. In the area of my “privates,” suddenly I was experiencing quick sharp hitting pain and it was expanding or growing in that area. I quickly unzipped my trousers and nearly blacked out! My “penis” was jet red and slowly blowing up! I began to freak out and quickly called for the taxi which within minutes got me to my doctor’s office.

When entering the clinic, the nurses who all know me, of course, saw the expression on my face and quickly asked, “Mike, my god, what is wrong?” I was experiencing even more discomfort, nearly fell on the floor and cried, “MY PENIS…oh, god, please take it off, I don’t need it anymore. PLEASE help me!”

After explaining to my doctor what I had done before coming to, him, he quickly educated me to the fact the surgical soap is used for the hands, not for the more sensitive area of one’s body. However, my privates after cold water and ice were applied, went back to normal. Thank goodness, he was right; after 3 hours or so, the swelling and the discoloration disappeared and I was back to my normal, insane self.  So, guys, this is a warning, make sure you know what kind of ointment or soap you use on your private parts!